July 02, 2009
Time Travel
I used to think I knew the rules for what happens to you if you go back in time and meet yourself. Disaster, right? The Back to the Future movies taught me all I ever needed to know about what happens if you go back in time. Now it’s in my head so please sing this line – “Take me away, I don’t mind, you better promise me I’ll be back in time.”
OK, we’re was I? Oh yes. Marty McFly and Doc Brown taught me that if I ever go back in time and meet myself, to be very careful that I don’t change the course of history, lest I want my brother’s picture to dissolve. This makes sense. If I grew up to be the President of the United States, got in my CIA time machine, and went back to see myself when I was 16, I could change everything. If I said to my younger, impressionable self, “Edward, trust me. A lot of being the president is sitting in meetings.” Ugh. Right there, young Edward might have decided to change his aspirations and become a vet. And what would happen to old Edward? I guess I’d disappear because now President Barnes never existed.
The recent Star Trek movie changes this simple truth. In the movie, old Spock meets young Spock, they speak, and there are no problems. Young Spock is about to go on adventures for years. I would think that meeting oneself would change the way one views life. Is it a given that you will live to become old Spock? I doubt it. If an older Ed came to see me, isn’t it possible that I would assume that I would grow to be 96 at least, so maybe I could rob a bank or try to catch a bullet with my teeth? And then I would die, and old Ed would die too, right? According to Star Trek, I’m not so sure. But I can’t help but wonder what will happen if young Spock looks at old Spock, thinks to himself, “That old man looks like he’s been through hell - instead of going into space, I’m going to open a little boutique.” I don’t know what his life would be like, but I bet he’d end up living long and prospering.
Posted by ed at 14:16 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
July 01, 2009
Competitive Eating
Thankfully, A Tradition Like No Other
Listening to Mike & Mike this morning, I heard them interviewing some MLE members. MLE, or Major League Eating, has members competing in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Fourth. These guys are hilarious, and the eating competitions are pretty much unwatchable. It hurts my stomach to see these people push down dozens of hot dogs in ten minutes. There’s a rule about being disqualified if you vomit, which I think they refer to as “refunding.”
Joey Chestnut, the reigning hot dog champion, said that around Thursday he switches to a liquid diet so that he will be completely empty on Saturday. He’s looking to down 66 hot dogs in ten minutes, which is less than a hot dog every ten seconds.
Another eater, I missed his name, referred to Joey Chestnut’s class of eaters (think recruiting class) was so strong; they were named the four horsemen of the esophagus. Simply awesome. Anyway, he went on to say that his specialty wasn’t hot dogs, but rather any debris food. When questioned on this, he replied that this is any food that leaves a bone or a shell, something like that. Love the terminology.
And, looking at their website, I learned another great term – bunnettes. See definition below. Again, from the website, “When little girls dream, they dream of one day becoming a Bunnette.”
Bunnette (bunet) n.
1. (Trad.) A person, usu. female, who counts the amount of food eaten by competitors in Major League Eating events.
2. A woman, usu. seductive by disposition, who is passionate about the sport of competitive eating and its practitioners.
Posted by ed at 13:16 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
June 30, 2009
Boy Gets Pork, Loses Pork, Gets Pork Again!
Last Saturday, Kristin and I were grocery shopping at the new Harris Teeter near our house. Usually we go together – it makes a mundane task more fun. My only rule is that I get tired of starting on the right-hand side of the store, so I make us go against traffic and start on the far side of the store. Oh, and I hate to go back to get something we forgot on the list, so I grade Kristin on how well she does. I mean, we have a list, so why would there ever be a need to go back. It’s just inefficient.
Anyway, among other things, we bought some ground beef for tacos and a pork tenderloin. Apparently these were placed in their own little bag at checkout because we paid for them and promptly left them there. We realized this the next day, and Kristin lamented the loss of money while I lamented the loss of pork.
After work, Kristin returned to Harris Teeter and told them the story. One of the baggers that knows us remembered us leaving out precious food. The workers told Kristin to go back and get some ground beef and a pork tenderloin – no charge! And he made a point of telling her to not worry about getting the exact same size – just to get one that she liked.
It was that easy. Just in-and-out – no problems! I don’t know if all grocery stores are like this, but it’s not that surprising that Harris Teeter would have awesome customer service. This type of service impresses me. Sure, we pay a little more at Harris Teeter, but it examples like this that keep us coming back.
On a related subject, why do we always leave the most desirable items at the grocery store? Beer, meat, chips – these things get left. But salt, napkins, toilet bowl cleaner – yeah we’ll have them when we get home every time.
Posted by ed at 12:31 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
June 29, 2009
Outdated Thinking
I don’t want to have a phone at my house anymore. Is there a need? Everyone in the world, including Harper, has a mobile phone, so what’s the need? Nobody calls my home phone except for telemarketers and people looking for donations to a dozen different causes. All this phone gives me is a way to be interrupted at dinner.
I pay over $50 a month to be annoyed almost daily. Kristin says we need this phone in case someone attacks us and we have to call 911. I guess this is a legitimate thought, but can’t we call from our other phones? And if someone really wanted to attack us, I guess they could cut the phone lines before attacking us anyway.
OK, that’s a little morbid. Sorry. $50 a month could pay for a lot of something. That adds up. Is there another need for this service, or is this just something that’s outdated? I don’t bundle this with other services either, so I could really cut it and never think twice about it. Most people I know have a home phone number, so I’m either missing something or we’re all just doing this because we used to have to do this to be able to communicate. What am I missing?
Posted by ed at 11:06 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
State Of Fear